remember when I found out that I had cancer; my first thoughts were I’m
going to die. I just did not really prepare myself for those words. I
was scared, even though I knew that God was in control, and I was scared
because I did not want to leave this world, my family and my friends. I
say I am ready to go “Home” meaning Heaven, but really I’m not. My life
is great, and I love the people, and the beauty that surrounds me day
in and day out, and that in a nutshell is the whole kit-n-kaboodle.
can I be not ready to go “Home”? Heaven is described as something I
cannot even fathom, the beauty of it is like nothing I or any other
human being has ever experienced, so how can I not be ready to go there?
What does that say about me? I will tell you what I think it says… I am
not done living my life; there are exactly three boys and one girl I
plan to marry off and loads of grandchildren I want to spoil and one
wonderful husband, who I can’t wait to grow old with. Maybe because the
Bible tells me of things I cannot see or touch, I don’t take it as
seriously as I should. I believe wholeheartedly in God’s word; don’t get
me wrong, it is just hard for me to understand this Heaven I cannot
feel. This life I lead here on earth, I can touch, and feel… it is
comfortable… What a way to live, comfortable.
I am not supposed to feel comfortable. It may be that God wants me to
be just the opposite… as in uncomfortable. He has plans for me; just
because I don’t know what they are does not mean they don’t exist. I
cannot for the life of me think of what would be so great about me that
God has this whole plan worked out just for my life, but you know, He
does. He loves me so much that He sent His only Son to die on that cross
so that I could have eternal life. He loves me that much, and I had
absolutely nothing to do with it. I have done nothing worthy of God’s
love, but yet I have it. “Thank you for the life you have given me, and
thank you for loving me in spite of myself”.
friends I share life with are so special to me; they have all been a
blessing in my life. Jesus is my friend too and He has blessed me with
so many loved ones, I hardly feel deserving, but I thank Him anyway. As I
finish up here, I just want to say that God is not finished with me
yet, I am a work in progress, and my life is not a sprint… it is a
marathon… to be taken one step at a time. So I am off to continue on the
journey I call my life…my cancer…my journey. God be with you and may He
richly bless you!
out I had to have surgery was a happy day for me. That meant that I
would finally be free of my diseased Thyroid and the debilitating
symptoms that went with it. So for me, surgery was a good thing, and
something I had been wanting for some time. I found out I was to have
surgery October 30th. Wow, what a day to have someone cutting my neck
open, right, the day before Halloween.
Doctor that would be doing the cutting was named Dr. Fear, but I was
not at all nervous, not really. You see I have always believed that God
was in control of my life, so there was no need to worry. Not to say I
have never worried, I have, but for the most part I am content to let
God be in the drivers’ seat. It is much easier that way.
love what Psalms 62:1-2 says “My soul waits in silence for God only;
From Him is my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation, My
stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken.” This is how I choose to look
at God. He is my refuge, and the one I go to for comfort, and hope.
When everything else is going south, I know I can count on God to always
be here for me, even till the end of time.
The years have flown by and I am feeling healthy and so far all my testing has come back...in remission! I have to say as I read the above story I did not give much detail and I'm honestly not sure why so I thought I'd add a bit more.
Every year since my cancer diagnosis I have had to go in for testing, radiation, isolation and scans...and every year the tests come back...in remission, no cancer detected. These tests I take consist of shots, radiation, days of isolation, and full body scans, and I am always scared of what they might find inside my body.
While I am laying there on the table for 45 minutes being scanned I am thinking just how small I really am. When I say small I don't mean physically, I mean in the big scheme of things, small. My life is but a drop in the proverbial pond we call home. This world I live in is my temporary home, my permanent forever home is heaven and someday this all will not matter one iota.
Today I am healthy, fit and blessed beyond measure. I am alive, I run...I live my life and enjoy the blessings I have been bestowed with. I thank God that He healed me and I was given another chance. Before cancer I was unhealthy, fat..and very sick and not only that...I really just existed. I did the day to day things I had to, took care of the kids and my hubby...went to work...etc. I really wasn't living my true life. I am now! I enjoy my life, my kids and hubby...I relish the quiet moments and laugh out loud at the crazy antics of the people I love the most. I truly look at the beauty around me and know that I do contribute something, even if it may be a small part I make a difference...God says I'm significant so it has to be true.
Life is good, and too short to be complained about or wasted away watching TV and eating candy bars. I will live, survive, laugh, love and appreciate all I have been given and blessed with.
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